37-year-old boyfriend insists his 33-year-old girlfriend pay for him to go to Japan with her and her friend, despite her fully paying for him to go to Japan in 2024: 'He got angry and said it was unfair that I get to go and he can’t'

Author image for Emmy Pratt
Emmy Pratt • Writer and Editor
Sep 1, 2025 8:00 AM EDT

Life isn't fair. This can be a difficult concept to wrap your head around if you're a little kid and you notice your sister got a slightly larger slice of birthday cake than you did, but by the time you're in your late 30s, you should have a firm grasp on the idea. Little kids have a right to be upset about life being unfair because there's very little they can do to change the circumstances of their lives, but if you're 37, you have a choice in whether or not you make your life better. If you're bummed because you make chump change and live in a horrible apartment, you can decide to work two jobs or try your darndest to get a better job so you can move up in the world. It won't always be easy, but saying "it's not fair" won't do much for a guy.

The guy in this story doesn't think his life is fair because his girlfriend won't fully finance his trip to Japan for the second time in two years. She fully paid for his last trip to Japan, but that's not enough for this Romeo. He's a regular Veruca Salt, screaming, "I want it now!"

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  • Cheezburger Image 10548267776
    via Getty Images (Unsplash+)

    Image is representative only and does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • My 31-year-old friend has asked me to come to Japan with her in October and my 37-year-old boyfriend is saying it’s unfair if he can’t go and I want to know if I would be the bad guy if I decided to go and would I be selfish if I did go?

    I(33F) have been asked to come to Japan for a week with one of my female friends and after telling my bf(37) he is saying it's unfair as he is not invited and won't be able to afford to go. Should I feel bad about wanting to go or should I stay behind.
    via u/IndependentNo2952
  • Context:last year 2024 I paid for 95% of a trip from both my bf and I to go to Japan for 2 weeks. I paid for flights, accommodation, train travel, food and activities and he covered only the things he bought there (5%). I had always wanted to go to Japan and in going it had us both wanting to go back(this was also his first trip out of our country).
    via u/IndependentNo2952
  • White and blue Ana airplane during daytime
    via Marcus Ng

    Image is representative only and does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • Earlier this year my friend asked me to come to Japan with her for a week and I was excited but said it would come down to if I could afford it and I'd let her know. She booked her flights and accommodation. Well she asked
    via u/IndependentNo2952
  • me again last week and I can afford to go myself. I told my bf and he got angry and said it was unfair that I get to go and he can't, and he also wouldn't be able to afford to and I can't afford to bring us both.
    via u/IndependentNo2952
  • I really want to go but also am feeling guilty that I am in his words "being selfish" if I go on the girls trip without him.
    via u/IndependentNo2952
  • Women with water balloon
    via Getty Images (Unsplash+)

    Image is representative only and does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • Beneficial-Sort4795 Your bf never even paid you back for the trip to Japan you took him on already. Go with your friend and notice the difference in traveling with someone who also thinks of you and is actually splitting the costs and rethink your leech boyfriend. NTA
    via u/Beneficial-Sort4795
  • Professional-Air2123 As a poor b even dream of preventing someone else from travelling - especially if my partner had already been so gracious to fund one journey. He should be glad what he got and let his gf go without acting like an entitled a . ird who can't ever travel I wouldn't
    via u/Professional-Air2123
  • SirBiggusDikkus He obviously thinks this "extra" money should be used for another free vacation for him (even if it's not Japan again).
    via u/SirBiggusDikkus
  • SuperColossl Exactly! He contributed 5% last time, can't afford this time, and wasn't even invited. If he wants to, the first thing is he needs to have the funds then he could go on his own trip!
    via u/SuperColossl
  • Prestigious-Bluejay5 The 5% covered the "things he bought there". So, he paid nothing for the trip. Poor OP fooling themselves that he contributed.
    via u/Prestigious-Bluejay5
  • ChibbleChobble Hey now. He contributed his glorious presence and scintillating personality.
    via u/ChibbleChobble
  • sicofonte BF already went to Japan with you, you paying for it, for two weeks, yet he thinks you are selfish if you go with a friend now. Good couples encourage the other to have a great life, not to hold it down for some selfish feelings. The one being selfish here is your BF.
    via u/sicofonte
  • Elegant Pea_4195 Bf sounds like quite the leech.
    via u/Elegant_Pea_4195
  • LuxuryBeast Exactly. He showed OP his true colors. She should believe him.
    via u/LuxuryBeast
  • j1knra 100% NTA. This literally happened to me last night where my best friend's aunt can't go on a cruise to Spain in a few weeks. She called me up asked if I wanted to go since it was already paid for and the first thing the hubs said was "You'd be a fool not to go. Go. Have fun. Take lots of pictures." Partners and spouses need to be supportive of each other. Full Stop.
    via u/j1knra
  • justiceobsession NTA My friend and her husband got separated (later divorced) but they had booked a trip to Mexico. The ex husband suggested my friend take me instead and even though I had a 10 month old baby at home my husband told me I would be crazy not to go on a free trip to Mexico, and he took the week off work to spend with our daughter. He called it daddy boot camp. It actually ended up making him super confident with babies. Men who would rather you miss out because they are missing out
    via u/justiceobsession
  • Peter_gggg That's what good partners do. They want the best for their other half
    via u/Peter_gggg
  • Calure1212 Exactly, when my parents could afford more things, my aunt would invite my mum to visit her overseas. My aunt used to work for our Foreign Office. My dad didn't like travelling, so he happily waved her off on her adventures. He missed her but he wanted her to be happy and do things that she'd enjoy.
    via u/Calure1212
  • 68000anr Her BF had a minor gripe if she HADNT ALREADY PAID FOR HIM TO GO TO JAPAN ONCE. I cant imagine being in his 30s and talking about "not fair" like a little kid. He could....make more money if he wanted to go.
    via u/68000anr
  • Quiet-Hamster6509 Tbh, he also wasn't invited. Your friend invited you. He needs to respect the friendships you have. If he wants another trip then he needs to save for it. If he really kicks up a stink, tell him that you can't afford to pay his way for every trip.
    via u/Quiet-Hamster6509
  • Due_Alternative_6539 That is a really good point! He was not invited. Really not fair to do this to a friend. Why should she be made to feel like a third wheel?
    via u/Due_Alternative_6539
  • LowerObject2985 From a 38 year married man, if you think your bf might be the one, you should go and not feel guilty. His reaction afterwards, will tell you if he is. If you don't think he is the one, then you already know the answer.
    via u/LowerObject2985

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toxic-boyfriend international boyfriend bad boyfriend money problems friends relationships girlfriend Japan Travel entitled traveling money entitled people vacation
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